He Is Alive

Dear Diva Rebecca,

I am 50 years old and living in Southwest Ga. My first love recently resurfaced after being missing and presumed dead for approx. 20 years. We first got together when we were both 15 and had a great love. Now, after 3 failed marriages I am on my way to another divorce really soon. I have loved this man for as long as I can remember and spent a lot of time and money trying to locate him for years. Turns out he contacted his sister whom I am very close to and is living in Tennessee in a Group Home. He is schizophrenic and has responded very well to the medication and seems to be doing much better. I have corresponed with him via phone and mail. It is a dream come true for me. Do you think it is possible for us to have a relationship? His sister and I are planning a trip to Tn in the Spring. It has been almost 30 years since I last laid my eyes on him. I have to do this whether anything comes of it or not. This thing is just consuming me and I need some advice.

Sincerely,

Reconnected

Dear Reconnected,

That is quite a story. That must have been quite a shock for you to realize that this person you thought was dead for 20 years is actually alive. Of course it is consuming you. You knew this man and spent a long time with him. After he dissapeared you invested time trying to find him. Now that he is found and is rehabilitating, you are still trying to adjust to the shock. Only after you see him and become accustomed to him once more will this all consuming feeling stop taking up every thought. I am sure what you are going through is normal in such an abnormal situation.

You are going to have to prepare yourself for meeting him. He may not be the same person you knew before in a physical sense. Every changes with time, but if he has been suffering fromSchizophrenia, who knows how this could have affected his physical appearence. You could have been living in the gutter at some point. He may have teeth missing and things like that. You never know. Of course, he might also be just as handsome as when you last saw him. Just keep an open mind.

Try not to force anything. Just take things slowly. Try not to hope too much for a relationship right now. You two are far apart and he is dealing with a terrible affliction and seeking medical help. There is always the possibility that you will have a relationship in the future. I just want you to take things slowly. And to make you smile....doesn't this seem like the happy ending everyone wants? You two may have been destined to be together.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca